I have poor expectation hygiene. About three or four times a year, I pre-select a film which I recklessly decide will be the best film of that year. This is usually based on scant evidence like the look of a trailer or an early press release. I then proceed to tell everyone who will listen about my theory. “Watch out! This is going to be the best fucking movie of 1998! Seriously.” And I am always, always wrong. Until now. This time is going to be different. I can feel it.
At this very moment, Oliver Stone is shooting what will most likely be an unintentionally comic biopic about the 43rd President of the United States, tersely titled W. Josh Brolin, who knows a thing or two about growing up under crushing expectations and the delicate torture of standing in the shadow of a more impressive father (Oh, James Brolin, he’s such a ROCK) has been cast as “The Decider." Principal filming began just last week. They don’t have a Dick Cheney. A tentative release date is set for this October, coinciding with the 2008 Presidential Election. Did I mention that Oliver Stone is directing? What could possibly go wrong?
The Hollywood Reporter recently released an early draft of the screenplay, written by Stanley Weiser (who also wrote Wallstreet), which was initially titled Bush. Here is a partial transcript:
EXT. TEXAS RANGERS STADIUM – ARLINGTON, TEXAS – DAY
GEORGE W. BUSH, early forties, polo shirt, slacks, stand in center field, looking up at the empty stands, waiting for the fans to arrive, the game to begin. There is a look of supreme contentment on his face. This is his stadium, the place in the world where he feels most comfortable.
The ROAR OF THE FANS COMES UP as a DISEMBODIED VOICE intones:
VOICE
And now the 43rd President of the United States, George W. Bush
Slowly, George W. Bush raises his arms, as if to conjure the crowd.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. WHITE HOUSE – OVAL OFFICE – DAY – JAN 2002
ON CHIEF PRESIDENTIAL SPEECH WRITER, boyish 40’s, talking to 2ND SPEECHWRITER.
CHIEF SPEECH WRITER
“Axis of hatred?” I don’t know. Something about
it just…………..misses.
Seated around a table, BUSH and his inner circle: VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY, KARL ROVE, fifties; pudgy, CONDI RICE, her assistant, STEPHAN HADLEY, bespectacled, late 40’s.
ROVE
(pipes up) Well, then what about “Axis of unbearably odious?”
Bush, intent, Scowls at him.
BUSH
Don’t get cute, Turdblossom. (Nickname for Rove)
This is serious.
CHIEF SPEECHWRITER
What about…..”Axis of Evil?”
Bush thinks for a moment.
BUSH
“Axis of Evil.” I like the ring of that. That’s it.
RICE
But Mr. President, how are we going to tie them all together?
It’s not like they’re Germany, Italy and Japan – who were on
the same side.
HADLEY
Yeah, they’re not aligned with each other.
ROVE
Who gives a shit? It plays.
BUSH
They may not be aligned. But they’re threats
to our security. Iran and Iraq is trouble next door
to trouble. And they have to know that this President
is telling them they’ve got a problem. With us.
RICE
Still, I think the Iranian people could take offense in being
lumped together with the Iraqis and North Koreans. After
all, they have a president who is democratically elected.
HADLEY
(nods agreement)
Could send the wrong message to the democracy movement, sir.
BUSH
No, Hads, you don’t get it. Khatami along with the students,
the reformers, they’ll understand. They want Freedom. It’ll give
legitimacy to their struggle against the hardliners, the deadenders,
the Ayatollah Cockamamies. Iran stays in.
Rove opens a bottle of non-alcoholic beer for the President. Cheney finally chimes in.
CHENEY
Anyone can go to Baghdad. Real men go to Tehran.
Bush smirks, clinks beer bottle with Cheney’s coffee mug.
BUSH
Real men.
At this very moment, Oliver Stone is shooting what will most likely be an unintentionally comic biopic about the 43rd President of the United States, tersely titled W. Josh Brolin, who knows a thing or two about growing up under crushing expectations and the delicate torture of standing in the shadow of a more impressive father (Oh, James Brolin, he’s such a ROCK) has been cast as “The Decider." Principal filming began just last week. They don’t have a Dick Cheney. A tentative release date is set for this October, coinciding with the 2008 Presidential Election. Did I mention that Oliver Stone is directing? What could possibly go wrong?
The Hollywood Reporter recently released an early draft of the screenplay, written by Stanley Weiser (who also wrote Wallstreet), which was initially titled Bush. Here is a partial transcript:
EXT. TEXAS RANGERS STADIUM – ARLINGTON, TEXAS – DAY
GEORGE W. BUSH, early forties, polo shirt, slacks, stand in center field, looking up at the empty stands, waiting for the fans to arrive, the game to begin. There is a look of supreme contentment on his face. This is his stadium, the place in the world where he feels most comfortable.
The ROAR OF THE FANS COMES UP as a DISEMBODIED VOICE intones:
VOICE
And now the 43rd President of the United States, George W. Bush
Slowly, George W. Bush raises his arms, as if to conjure the crowd.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. WHITE HOUSE – OVAL OFFICE – DAY – JAN 2002
ON CHIEF PRESIDENTIAL SPEECH WRITER, boyish 40’s, talking to 2ND SPEECHWRITER.
CHIEF SPEECH WRITER
“Axis of hatred?” I don’t know. Something about
it just…………..misses.
Seated around a table, BUSH and his inner circle: VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY, KARL ROVE, fifties; pudgy, CONDI RICE, her assistant, STEPHAN HADLEY, bespectacled, late 40’s.
ROVE
(pipes up) Well, then what about “Axis of unbearably odious?”
Bush, intent, Scowls at him.
BUSH
Don’t get cute, Turdblossom. (Nickname for Rove)
This is serious.
CHIEF SPEECHWRITER
What about…..”Axis of Evil?”
Bush thinks for a moment.
BUSH
“Axis of Evil.” I like the ring of that. That’s it.
RICE
But Mr. President, how are we going to tie them all together?
It’s not like they’re Germany, Italy and Japan – who were on
the same side.
HADLEY
Yeah, they’re not aligned with each other.
ROVE
Who gives a shit? It plays.
BUSH
They may not be aligned. But they’re threats
to our security. Iran and Iraq is trouble next door
to trouble. And they have to know that this President
is telling them they’ve got a problem. With us.
RICE
Still, I think the Iranian people could take offense in being
lumped together with the Iraqis and North Koreans. After
all, they have a president who is democratically elected.
HADLEY
(nods agreement)
Could send the wrong message to the democracy movement, sir.
BUSH
No, Hads, you don’t get it. Khatami along with the students,
the reformers, they’ll understand. They want Freedom. It’ll give
legitimacy to their struggle against the hardliners, the deadenders,
the Ayatollah Cockamamies. Iran stays in.
Rove opens a bottle of non-alcoholic beer for the President. Cheney finally chimes in.
CHENEY
Anyone can go to Baghdad. Real men go to Tehran.
Bush smirks, clinks beer bottle with Cheney’s coffee mug.
BUSH
Real men.
That……is awesome. Allegedly, there's also a scene where a twentysomething Bush drunkenly crashes his car onto his parents' front lawn and screams at his father, ''Thank you, Mr. Perfect. Mr. War Hero. Mr. Fucking God Almighty!” challenging him to a fight, “Let’s go! Mano a mano! Right now!” This is Shakespearean in scope, people. Do you know who also had a problem with his parents? Hamlet.
As a caveat, this is only a rough draft. These scenes might not even make it into the completed film. Also, the leaked screenplay could be a complete fabrication. I prefer to think that it is not. Did I mention that Oliver Stone is directing? If the above is any indication of the finished product, W is easily going to be the best movie of 2008. Seriously.
Feel free to act these scenes out with your friends or family. I tried to convince my fellow wage slaves at the office to do a reading, but no one was interested. God, I hate those people.
1 comment:
I haven't read you for a while Cap'n. Thank you for reminding me why you're my favourite author.
P.S. - I had to enter random letters "word verification" for the system to accept my comment. It kind of made the word "tuckfah." What's that in Pig Latin, hmm?
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