Barack Obama is Magic

Isn’t Barack Obama magic? Not in a metaphorical sense, but in that he can actually perform magic? Like a wizard. Not like David Blaine.

There are quite a few rumors swirling about the internets about the good senator from Illinois. I recently heard a story that’s probably true about a Democratic fundraiser in St. Louis that Barack Obama was attending. The caterers had made an ordering mistake and they ran out of alcohol halfway through the event. People were understandably upset. But Barack Obama was unflappable. He walked straight into the kitchen and turned the water in 30 cases of Fiji bottled water into red wine. No one could figure out what exact varietal it was, but everyone agreed: it was the most delicious wine that they had ever tasted.

I heard another story about an outdoor picnic in a city park put on by Barack Obama’s church. The ladies who were in charge of bringing the food had a flat tire and were delayed. Everyone was hungry and grumpy. A young boy graciously offered to share his meager tuna sandwich with an elderly parishioner. Barack Obama calmly stepped forward and waved his hand over the sandwich. In an instant, everyone in the park was holding their own tuna sandwich. Even people who weren’t in the church group. Like joggers and people who had come to feed the ducks. Some people fed their sandwiches to the ducks. No one could explain what had happened, but everyone agreed: it was the most delicious tuna sandwich that they had ever tasted.

It’s stories like these that make me think that Barack Obama would make a fine president. Just like Scarlett O’Hara, America will never go hungry again.