The Phony King of England

When I was six years old, the most pernicious villain that I could think of was Prince John from Disney’s Robin Hood. Man, did I ever hate that guy. He was greedy, craven, cruel and despotic, the exact opposite of that crafty rogue Robin Hood. Remember when Prince John imprisoned everyone for failing to pay their criminally inflated taxes, even the wizened old owl couple in their tattered clothes and the wee family of mice that were ridiculously chained to an iron ball ten times their size? What a jerk.

The human Prince John was about as competent as his animated counterpart. He lost valuable territory in Normandy, made England a papal fief after a disastrously mismanaged dispute with the Church of Rome and left the nation torn by civil war. This all occurred when he was officially king of England. Unlike the anthropomorphic, thumb-sucking, mommy-issue beset lion, the historical John was never sentenced to hard labor splitting rocks with the Sheriff of Nottingham whilst wearing striped convict uniforms. Nor, as far as we can tell, did he have a know-it-all boa constrictor advisor named Sir Hiss who would say things like, “Yesssss your Majesssssty.” When his brother Richard returned from the Crusades, he pardoned John for attempting to usurp his throne and named him his heir and successor. What a sweet guy. No wonder he was portrayed by a glowy, resplendent Sean Connery in 1991’s Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

Just like in the cartoon, John was crazy for taxes. In order to replenish the royal purse, depleted by a series of failed foreign wars, John heavily taxed the clergy and the barons, which eventually resulted in a rebellion against him. Unsurprisingly, John was forced to acquiesce. The ensuing treaty, later known as the Magna Carta and signed by John under duress, was unprecedented in its definition of monarchy as subordinate to the rule of law. The Magna Carta limited royal powers, guaranteed essential rights, including habeas corpus and due process and served as an important foundation for the U.S Constitution and Bill of Rights. I guess being a colossal putz can sometimes be of great benefit to everyone. Neatly summing of John’s reign, Winston Churchill reflected, “When the long tally is added, it will be seen that the British nation and the English-speaking world owe far more to the vices of John than to the labours of virtuous sovereigns.” Highly optimistic that this paradigm of success through failure will be repeated in U.S. politics, I can’t wait to see what silver lining is in store for us in the aftermath of eight years with another curiously similar leader whose legitimacy and right to rule have also been called into question. Four more wars!

For a realistic portrayal of the havoc and devastation wrought by John's unjust taxation policies, please refer to the short film clip below.

Link: Disney's Robin Hood - Not In Nottingham