Jan Zizka of Trocnov (1360 – 1424) was totally metal. A follower of Czech reformer Jan Huss, Jan Zizka was a military genius who prevailed against the expansionist tyranny of the Holy Roman Empire. Here is a brief index of his credentials.
First of all, he was a defender of Bohemia. Everyone knows that Bohemia is the land of 1,000 beers. Beer and heavy metal go really well together.
Second, he had only one eye. He is said to have lost it in a fight as a child. That’s really impressive in and of itself. “Zizka” is apparently a nickname meaning “one eye” in Czech. As far as nicknames go, “One-Eyed Jan” is fairly unimpeachable. But it gets better. A year before he died (possibly of the plague, also totally metal), Zizka lost his other eye to an arrow during a siege. Undeterred and completely blind, he continued to command his troops while on horseback in the numerous battles which followed. And he never lost a battle.
Third, although a ferocious general who literally took no prisoners in the heat of combat, Zizka was known to spare the lives of women and children whilst sacking hostile towns and villages. Now, at first blush, this might seem to be the very antithesis of metal. Cobra Kai, the greatest martial arts dojo in the history of cinema, never showed mercy or compassion, and look how awesome they were. However, a deeper (barely) historical analysis vindicates the one-eyed general. At the time, Zizka’s largesse was extremely unusual. It was commonly understood that women and children were fair game. Jan Zizka’s policy of mercy was a reversal of the military traditions of the day. Metal is all about the contravention of tradition and authority.
Last, and most impressively, Zizka’s dying wish was for his officers to remove the skin from his corpse and stretch it into a battle drum upon which his soldiers could pound a martial cadence as they marched victoriously into battle. That’s pretty much the most metal thing that I can conceive of at this moment. You can’t make this stuff up. Or maybe you can. It’s debatable whether the story of Jan Zizka’s dying request is apocryphal or not. In an essay on the human tendency to want things beyond one’s reach, Michel de Montaigne suggested that Zizka’s dead flesh actually was turned into a battle drum. It would a lot cooler if that were true. Does this mean that my surviving relatives aren’t going to explode my ashes into the sky using a giant bottle rocket on Halloween night, per my instructions? Lame.
First of all, he was a defender of Bohemia. Everyone knows that Bohemia is the land of 1,000 beers. Beer and heavy metal go really well together.
Second, he had only one eye. He is said to have lost it in a fight as a child. That’s really impressive in and of itself. “Zizka” is apparently a nickname meaning “one eye” in Czech. As far as nicknames go, “One-Eyed Jan” is fairly unimpeachable. But it gets better. A year before he died (possibly of the plague, also totally metal), Zizka lost his other eye to an arrow during a siege. Undeterred and completely blind, he continued to command his troops while on horseback in the numerous battles which followed. And he never lost a battle.
Third, although a ferocious general who literally took no prisoners in the heat of combat, Zizka was known to spare the lives of women and children whilst sacking hostile towns and villages. Now, at first blush, this might seem to be the very antithesis of metal. Cobra Kai, the greatest martial arts dojo in the history of cinema, never showed mercy or compassion, and look how awesome they were. However, a deeper (barely) historical analysis vindicates the one-eyed general. At the time, Zizka’s largesse was extremely unusual. It was commonly understood that women and children were fair game. Jan Zizka’s policy of mercy was a reversal of the military traditions of the day. Metal is all about the contravention of tradition and authority.
Last, and most impressively, Zizka’s dying wish was for his officers to remove the skin from his corpse and stretch it into a battle drum upon which his soldiers could pound a martial cadence as they marched victoriously into battle. That’s pretty much the most metal thing that I can conceive of at this moment. You can’t make this stuff up. Or maybe you can. It’s debatable whether the story of Jan Zizka’s dying request is apocryphal or not. In an essay on the human tendency to want things beyond one’s reach, Michel de Montaigne suggested that Zizka’s dead flesh actually was turned into a battle drum. It would a lot cooler if that were true. Does this mean that my surviving relatives aren’t going to explode my ashes into the sky using a giant bottle rocket on Halloween night, per my instructions? Lame.
1 comment:
Having two 'z's in one's name is pretty metal, but he should have replaced the 'i' with a 'y' - Zyzka.
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