The internet is so great. Why, you’re using it this very second. From adopting a kitten to arranging anonymous sex with a stranger in your local area, there’s nothing you can’t do on the internet. And now you can use the internet to send messages to your friends and relatives from beyond the grave.
That’s right, Postexpression.com enables you to “create and store multimedia messages that will be sent by email to friends and family after you die.” I’m intrigued, please tell me more. “Post Expression allows you to communicate with people after you’ve died. It gives you the opportunity to communicate final words of encouragement, confession and love; or private information that may get lost if you pass away.” I hope that these people are better at delivering dead people’s messages than they are at using semicolons.
I can’t decide whether this is the stupidest, most creepy idea in the world; or just straight genius. The service only costs 19 euros. That’s a small price to pay for precious, precious closure.
That’s right, Postexpression.com enables you to “create and store multimedia messages that will be sent by email to friends and family after you die.” I’m intrigued, please tell me more. “Post Expression allows you to communicate with people after you’ve died. It gives you the opportunity to communicate final words of encouragement, confession and love; or private information that may get lost if you pass away.” I hope that these people are better at delivering dead people’s messages than they are at using semicolons.
I can’t decide whether this is the stupidest, most creepy idea in the world; or just straight genius. The service only costs 19 euros. That’s a small price to pay for precious, precious closure.
Post Expression does offer a free, 30-day trial. However, this is of no conceiveable value unless you die. Within 30 days. Also, in the event that you do die, they won't deliver your free trial messages until after you've paid them 19 euros. Best not go with the free trial then.
I wish that their website included helpful sample messages. This is what I imagine a last letter to a lover might look like:
“Hey Baby, I love you so much. I’m dead now, but our love will last for eternity. And Baby, I know that it’s gonna be hard, but I’d really like for you to try and stay celibate until you die too. In honor of our love. If you had been the one to go, I would totally do it for you. The thought of you getting it on with another man is too much for me to bear. You do love me, right? I’ll be watchin’ you from Heaven. XOXO”
Or maybe a final message to your favorite texting buddy:
“OMFG! i’m dead. this blows. WTF? :( i guess I won’t be ROFL ever again. have a good rest of ur life. G2G. Cya L8R.”
Or perhaps the ultimate “fuck you” from the great beyond:
“Jimmy, I know that you’re my brother and all, but I always hated you. You are such a complete dickhead. Remember when I took Jake Henderson home to meet Mom and Dad and you told him that I was taking special medication for pubic lice? You ruined everything. Why? I liked him so much. He was perfect. And remember when you borrowed $150 to get a new cd player for your Trans Am and promised to pay me back in a month? That was FIVE years ago! I guess I’ll never collect on that now. Seriously, go fuck yourself.”
And it totally has practical application. For instance:
“Son, if you’re reading this, I’m probably dead. I’m so proud of you. I can’t imagine having a better son. Anyway, there’s one last thing that I need you to do for me. There’s a rather substantial cache of German porn hidden in my tool shed. It is IMPERATIVE that you dispose of this before your mother finds it. She’d never understand. Third drawer from the bottom. You’re the best. Love you, Dad”
As you can see, this has limitless potential. OMFG! G2G. I could die at any moment. I have sooooo many messages to write.
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