Have you ever been struck with a brilliant idea only to find out that it has already been executed by someone else? This happens to me with alarming regularity, and it drives me fucking crazy. For example, in 2001 I invented a talking tombstone which would allow the soon to be deceased to record messages which could played for the benefit of grieving relatives via a small speaker system within a tombstone. Like any ineffectual daydreamer, I did nothing to bring this into reality. Several years later, this guy apparently had the same idea. Unlike me, he filed a patent application.The same thing happened when I recently invented the remote control vibrator. Predictably, it already exists. Plus, I totally came up with the idea for Star Wars when I was like three years old. Suck it, George Lucas.
Yesterday, while stuck at work at my menial office job, horribly hung-over, listening to Dethklok, I began to ponder how immensely wonderful it would be to create a handmade death metal quilt. You know, with patches depicting Satan and skulls and upside down crosses and what not. Comfy. I imagined that it would be the visual equivalent of a face melting guitar solo. I should have known that this idea was just like the others. Not only has someone else already created a metal quilt, they’ve made an entire cottage industry out of it. That’s right, the good people at Quiltsrÿche are more than happy to attend to all of your heavy metal quilting needs. Nice umlaut, by the way.
Although I’m kind of disappointed, these quilts are pretty fucking great. The quilt to the right is pleasing in every way. Note the wee pentagrams littered about. And it’s called “Skullfucked.” How awesome is that? The quilt entitled “Primer” (pictured above) is also really hilarious. It’s an ABC’s of metal. "M" is for "Mullets," "O" is for "Ozzy," "U" is for "Unlaut," "V" is for "Viking" and "W" is for "Wizard." It’s functional and educational.Still, all in all, getting skunked on a great idea makes me want to crawl under my upside down pentagram duvet cover and drink myself into a whisky coma.
